GENTING ALONE WITH MYSELF AND MY THOUGHTS

Wow Genting here is so happening, whereby you can see 2am still people are hanging out chit chatting with all their friends and family. Isn’t it nice to have a bunch of friend/ family to hang out with? Well for this moment I don’t think so that friends/family could help me on this. Purpose to come here alone is because I really want to know whether I like him or I love him. I really don’t even understand myself and my thoughts at all, this is very dangerous for me. First time I’m telling myself doesn’t understand me? Not to say my friends or family, even me myself I also don’t know what I’m thinking and acting.

But one thing I really want to find out that do I like him or Love him, this question need to be solve before I wanted to tell him how I feel. Yes sometimes I do miss him, but sometimes I just hate him so much!!!! He doesn’t even want to bother anymore like previously he does. But anyway I don’t think I will confess to him what I feel about him, because I think surround him there is a better choice. Being so childish of me doesn’t help at all but is making the situation worst. I don’t know what he think about me, but for me I really need to figure it out what actually my feeling are, and what I want from him.

As Fion say, doesn’t matter what is the answer, please maintain the friendship you and him have previously and not because you feel so embarrass about to confess the feeling. And Ling say, if you don’t tell now you sure will regret because you don’t know what will happen in future. Human so strange, or can say I’m so strange. Because every friend around me encourage me to confess to him but I choose not to confess because I really don’t know I like him or I Love him…. I really in the mist of confusing or maybe misunderstanding about his act/ speak… at here I keep on asking Whether I like him or Love him why not just tell him what I feel about? Why is it so hard to speak from my mouth or SMS him? I think because I felt that I’m so unsure that is why I still keep quiet and think about it so deep.

Hello I’m Lydia what!!!!! Nothings could have bother me, just a relationship have make me unreasonable and act not like me? No No No I should have act my own self not other people to get to the answer… I think I figure it out what should I do and not to think so much anymore. For this moment I think I better focus on my purpose of my life and work hard to migrate to US…. I’m working very hard on it, and I wish my mom can go to US again next year, by 2013 I go that time maybe I won’t come back to Malaysia!!! I mean hope my mom will not come back to Malaysia and work at US. So that I have my path way to there already….

Finally, fresh airs in Genting really make me refresh my mind and think it deep down in my heart. No one else but me to figure it out isn’t it? Well all the answer I have is to focus on what I want no more bothering anything and worry of nothing when I have strongly set what I want. I have my own car and I want to go anywhere I like and I want, no one is going to stop me because I have my own way!! Although sometimes I’m alone but I do feel the time to get to know myself better.
Hope Genting here will not polluted by those smokers…. Because they have polluted my lungs… well got to end this…

My cup of Chocolate Cream Blended... Yum Yum

Lydia :) 0228/ 11 Sept 2010

YESTERDAY, TODAY THE SAME

For the month of August really is my PK month & of cause in September also. Time pass real fast, those moment that we been thru just like a slide show pass one by one. Yesterday was history and now we creating history... Things that we want to repeat again but is unable to repeat or turn back the time... what we do is only for a better thing...
Here goes today's story: -

Yesterday 31/08/10 Public holiday!!! Actually I'm really happy geh, but then is my boring day also.... really so boring, actually I plan to wake up at 7.30am de then I really so lazy to wake up that early just to go Jogging.. But I still manage to get up to go jogging at 11.45am, it was damn sunny day. Although is sunny, but not to that extend my skin look dark after 1 & 1/2 hour jogging.... Yesterday when I start jogging i been thinking, why i always drive here and i feel is really so easy to go up the hill? and now I using my leg to go thru the road, and it makes me feel so tired and I want to give up make a U -turn and return to home. But then when I think what I told Ah Ling I fat already and I want to keep Fit... That really make me continue my journey to the top of the hill, at that very moment I really shout out!!!!! wuhoooo i finally reach at the top!!!! Damn I really so char already, need to do more Jogging....

After Jogging, then my sister sms me ask me where am i now. When i receive this message means my sister really so boring at home, well then i reply her at home and going no where. So she say go to her house to accompany her, she so boring... Then I suggested her, want to go sing K or not? she really so excited and say when where and what time.... Means she so desperate want to go out. Suddenly I think izit really all the women after marry life will get that bored? and the husband will change thier attitude in within a second? hemmm this is a good survey in within my sister's husband!!

Three of us, Michelle, Belinda & me go to Sing K at Neway Cheras Plaza. We never been to sing K together with sisters, three of us really having a lot of fun. But as for Michelle, she a little bit pity because she see us eat and drink in front of her.... great that she can stand firm not to eat, but his son I think unable to stop thinking and looking at our temptation eating those food and drinks..... after singing, we go shopping at leisure mall. I go look for my working cloth, because one of my working cloth spoil color already... and thanks to my dad!!!! ish... nvm another cloth to be donate to charity....

Then we have dinner at our house near by, Michelle been mumbling those day want to eat Wan Tan Mee so much but STILL can't eat yesterday because the Wan Tan Mee 'zap lap' bankrap liao.... To bad she need to mumble again... lol

Yesterday another bad news that make me so angry about Adam, he ponteng school again, Yes is AGAIN!!! I was like so angry and ask him, why he ponteng school? and he give me a stupid reason 'my school shoe wet already' what stupid reason is this? I ask him, you want to be those bad boy at the street? Take drug and sleep under the bridge when you grow older? and he don't want to answer my question make me more angry, I stop at petrol station and i open back door, wanted to drag him out of the car already one. Then only he say my school shoe wet!!! Wah, although i'm not the mother, but when i hear this kind of thing it make me feel like a mother's feeling!!! I was like gosh how can this happen? How can he do that? I think he need prayer, need to pray for his obedience. Useless always pray & fasting, just wasting his own energy only... but don't give up too soon as if you give up on him, he will be like outside's those 'san fan' like no house one....

And I have a weird dream, so funny. I dream of Ean from Hitz.fm morning crew!!!! lol he is chating with me and we share a lot of thing!!! Gosh I really think too much already, never in my life dream of ppl who is not related one de lo!!! some more the face show so obviously, when i wake up i just keep on smilling. Because is so ridiculous to have this kind of dream... the funniest thing is, he was in the dream then suddely go to Ean there pulak!! I think because my alarm clock got his sound, then he go into my dream.... lol it time to wake up!!!